The man of my dreams

Women have been accused of trying to change their men, coz guys don’t quite fit the picture we have in our minds:) I really don’t know what the success rate is on this project!!! Days go by so fast and yet in my mind, it is so clear, the day we met!! We were strangers; I was nervous and didn’t know what to do.... But he looked at me, as if we had known each other for ages. It is true that the wait was a very long one, thinking of how my life would be and making plans....

As we began life together, he showed me that you get up and walk every time you fall. Not to get caught up in the rat race and take it one day at a time. Life did not have to be perfect, there was always room for learning and how a smile could change everything!!! I would be in the kitchen and would hear him call, even though I pretended to be annoyed, I enjoyed being wanted so much :) But at times, picking up after him I wondered, how will this guy survive without me??!!

Once in a while, he would casually mention that he likes my dress or my shoes; I smile and try to figure out what he is up to now!! On a hot day or I might be busy doing something around the house, he will come pull my hair down and say "you know this is how I like it !!" He knows he can get away with anything and all it takes is “I LOVE YOU”, sometimes he would be extra generous and throw in a few hugs and kisses.. If we fight and I walk away, he would run after me trying to make me smile!! At night I thank God for yet another beautiful day, filled with love and fall asleep, wanting to wake up to love him again :)

I cherish every moment, whatever it may be, doing chores, singing out loud, dancing, being silly or snuggling up watching our favorite tv shows!! It will be a ride worthwhile, filled with priceless memories, with my son, Jacob... the man of my dreams!!

Why don't we see the truth??

Why do we prefer to ignore or walk away? I wrote this a week ago but something was holding me back from posting it. As much as I want to sound all positive and look at the bright side, I can’t get these questions out of my head. When a child is molested, it is not the kid’s fault but the consequence of being in a hypocritical society, in which people can get away with such acts. I would call the parents irresponsible, not because the kid was put in that situation (we don’t live in a bubble!!) but for not teaching him/her how to handle it. And the first instinct is to cover it up, why is it so? This could happen to anyone, it is not their fault, like we try to put it. But still why is the victim being blamed??

The predators think their actions are justified as long as they can come up with an explanation. When a girl is raped, the assaulter claims that it was her outfit that made him do it or it was her being alone at night. Can anyone ever think for a minute that this makes sense? The other day I saw an interview, a nun who spoke up about her experiences and why she decided to leave the convent. It is everywhere, children are just easy targets as they are made to believe that their family will be killed or hurt if they told anyone.

The day a girl blooms into a woman (when she gets her period) is supposed to be a joyous one. Not the one where she gets a list of things she cannot do anymore. Why are things being misinterpreted, like a saying in Malayalam “Ela vannu mullil veenalum, mullu vannu elayil veenalum ,elakku anu kedu” why is the woman referred to as the leaf? Is there any teaching in Malayalam that tells a woman the right way to deal with it,why is she being cautioned? And if she is the” ela”, why is she not treated with utmost sensitivity? We expect that women can relate to such situations better, being one, but there are some who prove otherwise. When your friend came to you not knowing what to do, did you stand by her? Which one are you, the lucky ones who escaped all this or the ones just trying to block out the bad memories by pretending it never happened or the ones who saw it happen but did nothing??

We tend to avoid such topics coz they are not so pleasant, not talking about it doesn’t mean it is not happening around you. If you gave it a little thought you would know how to help someone. Misconceptions and ignorance are factors that play a key role, don’t live in a well and take a look at the ocean around you.

What we want v/s what we need.

Our wants are often influenced by what we see and hear. When we want something, we are just trying to fit in. We have to look deeper to find out what we really need. Aren’t we loosing ourselves trying to be like others? Do we realize that all of us are not cut out to run the same race?

Money can buy a lot of things, but love. I remember a man, whose wife had cancer once told me that the other evening he laid behind his sick wife on the couch, holding her .Thinking when she is gone no amount of money can give him the same comfort. Health we take for granted. Parents who confuse providing the basic necessities (a roof over their head, education, food, expensive toys and clothes) as caring for their kids, its time you understood the word "care".Know that you get in return what you gave.People try to gain respect by living in huge houses, driving expensive cars and wearing designer clothes .Is this life about being accepted and revered by the people around you?

I want to listen to the morning prayers float into my bedroom from the nearby temple, the chanting and the sound of the bells to wake me up. And as I open the window I want to feel the cool air gush in stroking my hair. I want to see the mist slowly clearing the mountains. This is my picture of peace.

Was it the glamor of the costume or the attention of the crowd that thrilled me as a dancer? Or the rush of adrenaline while performing on stage and the feeling of liberation!!Even before I realized it ,I lost it.Now filled with only regret ,of letting go of my dream .

No two lives are the same, so there is no protocol that we can follow to achieve our goals or avoid making mistakes. There are no better actors than the ones we meet in real life. We try to portray happiness whatever the real story might be. People who struggle to make a living staying abroad, sacrificing all pleasures of life, saving every penny, go back home and redeem themselves by living large for 1 or 2 months, thus earning the jealousy of the neighbor. There is no universal scale to rate success, set your own standards.

At the end, it is not your job, wealth or family heritage that defines you. It might give you praise and a front row seat. But have you found yourself??Do you know your limitations; have you accepted your weakness? Sorrow is a much stronger emotion than joy!! Our sorrows bring out the best in us.

Have compassion towards others who are struggling, it is easy to sit on a mighty horse and judge them. But do not be so full of yourself and think you did it all.Count your blessings,consider others less fortunate. Have wisdom to see clearly, not to be overridden by emotions,be practical.

Mitr

We don’t get to choose the role we want to play in life, it is more like being put on stage with the spot light on you and you try to do your best!!One thing we get to choose is our friends!! I am so lucky to have met these women in my life who amaze me so often. We are different but the fact that we accept our differences might be the key to this harmony!! This is a bond that grew over the years of not even being in touch, most of the time!! But yet so strong. There have been times when we don’t agree with each other, but we know that we all see life differently.

Was it easier to make friends when we were younger or is it that we don’t try to make friends anymore? Even though we are all so far away from each other , every time you pick up the phone it takes you back to those days. And it is funny that they have not changed, they still are those silly girls with whom you hung out years ago!! Recently I heard a priest say at an engagement that , marriage is the union of two forgiving individuals, I feel it is the core of any relationship. You are not real friends ,until you have fought ,argued or hated the other persons guts and then made up..Once you were a little girl, now you may be a wife and a mother, in this course of events , a lot changes in your life but you hang on to your friends. My friends have shared my joys and sorrows alike, and have kicked me in my butt when I needed it !!


Can’t help but remember those good old days we spent worrying about exams, jumping over the college gate with “Chaddi Peter" chasing us , hurrying to the theater to watch movies, feasting on Chinese food and ice-creams when it would be pouring outside,sometimes our clothes drenched in the rain .

Happy were those days when 8 to 9 of us shared the same room. Those crowded bus rides to college and of course long lines for the unforgettable hostel food.We found happiness in small things and had big dreams. Keep doing the same....

When a child is born a parent is born too.

Some parents forget to grow up with their child …I saw a good Tamil movie “Abhiyum Nannum”. It is a father- daughter story , of course there is a mother too, a practical and strong woman. Some parents forget that they just have to teach their kids how to fly and then let them go. Do people have kids as a security blanket for their old age??And how do you decide on how many kids??Often parents forget to live their lives, shadowing their kids, making them do what you wished you had done (your kid's life is not your second shot at getting it right!!).Do you even know your child or what he/she wants?? Is it that we conveniently assume that they don’t have a mind of their own?
There is a big role that a mother has to play in a boy’s life and a father is a little girl’s hero.. I have seen mothers who sacrifice or forget to live their lives and take up a mission of hovering over their boys, treating them like royalty, just so that they feel wanted. In turn these boys grow up with the notion that they always need a woman to take care of them , when they should have been taught to be self sufficient and responsible. Girls need attention from their fathers , don’t deprive them of that .It is the first man she is around in her life, who should help build confidence and give her the strength to live her life to the fullest. Kids who grow up in boarding schools coz their parents could not accommodate them due to whatever reason, they grow up too, but is that the way nature intended for them to be raised? It is good to have dreams for your kids, but it shouldn’t be at the cost of losing them.
To parents who take pride in their traditional parenting techniques being better than any other,there is a lot to learn from around the world. We have to meet somewhere in the middle. Get to know your kid, equip them with values, teach them about real life, show them their options. Parenting is fun , but you do it when it’s the right age and stop doing it when it is not needed.

Have you told your child that you love him/her today??

Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.”--Saint Francis of Assisi

Faith and good deeds go hand in hand, of what use is one without the other. Honor each other-give value and dignity. Accept each other, however different they are-it is not the same as just tolerating them. Live in harmony and peace-let us stop condemning others. Be patient-make allowances for each other’s fault. Be generous and have mercy. Be humble –think of others as better than yourselves. It feels really good to have a higher power watch over us at this time of uncertainty . Material possessions and money are not evil just uncertain. We live in a world that rates us based on our wealth, so often we envy and compare what we have to what others have. Many of us make the mistake of living beyond our means .But are we experiencing contentment ?Focus on what will bring you peace ,hope and gratitude.