Dreaming with my eyes open

"To become a happy person have a clean soul,eyes that see romance in the common place,a child's heart & spiritual simplicity."--------Peale

"I wished for a window, so the sun would shine through in the morning. Surely, I would get under the covers to escape the taunting rays. But then, I would get up and walk to my window to see the mist leaving and the clouds slowly move in.The branches moved as the birds danced around & the flowers awaited the morning rain. I ran to open the front door, the cool breeze hurried in stroking my hair. I stood by the steps waiting for the first raindrop. And then it rained. I don’t know why but I walked into it. There I stood with my arms wide open and my eyes shut tight. As I opened my eyes, I saw the rain purify everything it touched, the earth was quenched, so was my soul."

Amen

I happened to see an interview on television with sister Jesme and it was pretty upsetting how Kerala reacted to her autobiography”Amen”. I was particularly interested in it coz I spent quite a few years of my school and college life amidst the nuns. I have always wondered about their life & actions.

I remember taking a peek into the nuns dining room through the half closed door (which we were not allowed to do, I was a curious kid!!!) and saying to myself how unfair it is that we are given bad food and they get such a feast.It used to bother me that they had no compassion even towards the little ones. Of course, there were a few who were different.

Parents who leave their children in boarding schools, do you care if your kid is safe, sick or well fed??Do you know if they are being molested?? I was amazed by the uproar sister Jesme’s book had brought about. Would it have been easier on us if it was a man (priest) who spoke out? Or are we still comfortable believing that as long as we don’t address the matter, it will go away?

I understand that nuns and priests are just humans who have taken a special vow of celibacy, which according to me is very hard to follow. I wonder if God would want them to be celibate. Why can’t they have a normal married life and still serve God. Didn’t God actually make man and woman to live together?? Why is it so difficult to understand that lust, homosexuality, greed, jealousy,sexual assault and all that happens around us will creep into the church as well?

My Ammachi (grandma) had actually dedicated my dad to be a priest (this is really funny, if you happen to know him), a desperate plea to God not being able to see her baby in anguish.Little did she know he was to be a youngster who spent all his energy in college politics and getting into trouble rather than in the class room. My dad says it is all good now since he had in turn dedicated my brother for that cause. And the tradition continues!!!

We have been taught to look up to our religious leaders,we put them up on pedestals from where they fall and take our faith in church along with them. The Bishop at my brother’s wedding yelled at the event photographer in front of the whole gathering just before the ceremony. He could have been in a bad mood, sick or something might have upset him (I do not know the reason).With no regard to the bride, the groom, their special day or the family he spoke very harshly to the poor chap who was just doing his job.

I believe a man/woman should be revered not by the position bestowed but should earn it through actions. It gets tough, coz we all have two faces, one for the world to see and the real one, usually only our families have seen.

Good people do not go to heaven

Stop frowning!! I came out of church so confused this Sunday, coz I am one of those who believe not in religion but the goodness of one's heart. To me Karma plays a role, do good and you will be blessed, if you do bad you suffer the consequences, this motivates me to do good things.We often hear people say,I know I am not perfect but I have not killed anyone. What is God’s standard for good? What is His grading system? Is it living by the 10 commandments or by the Holy Bible? If hating your brother is equivalent to murder and lust to adultery, how many can really make the cut?

Right and wrong does not have a universal scale, as time goes by many wrongs have changed to right. Racism, ethnic cleansing, multiple marriages, wars all have different meanings and views around the world. Just because you are passionate about something it doesn’t have to be right. Life is kind of an exam without a clear cut explanation of even what it is about. How can you expect to pass? Jesus never called the righteous; he went seeking the sinners. He went beyond fairness to offer forgiveness, coz we all fall short of His standard.

The pastor ended it with, no amount of good works can get me into heaven, only His forgiveness can. Then what will happen to others who do not know Him?? As I spend more time thinking about it I felt good about hearing something that is not a “safe topic “which is what I have been used to. It did put a lot of things in perspective, but I believe if there has to be an impact let it be through my life and not through words.

Picnic in June

When I read through other blogs, many stay true to their passion and explore it‘s horizons. In my case I don’t think I have such an intense topic to go on and on about. Maybe I get distracted by anything that comes my way or is it that I just cannot focus on one thing???? Wish I could peek into someone else’s mind, just to see how different it works.

We had a fun picnic after a hundred e-mails send to and fro about the venue, menu and everything under the sun for a perfect day. With our busy lives, conflicting schedules and small kids it has become a bit tough to hang out with friends .It was a beautiful day with blue skies perfect for a walk around the trail, some tasty barbecue under the shade of big trees, watched a game of badminton and beach volley ball (did not play coz I am not very athletic and did not want to embarrass myself).

Jacob and his friends had the most fun, making sand castles,playing in the water ,on the slide and swings .I tried to relax but it would have been easier if I was not constantly looking out for Jacob. I began to wonder if I would have had a better time if I didn’t have to worry about him. That night, when he rolled over in his sleep, (pushed me to the very edge of the bed, I have mastered the art of not falling off) and put his little arms around my neck I knew I would choose these moments of joy over anything else,anytime.

If we were given a chance to be someone else or have someone else’s life, we would surely choose to be us and want our lives just the way it is.

Shawarma at Alyan’s

I have been searching for a Middle Eastern restaurant for quite some time .There are days I crave for some flat bread, dates and other Arabic dishes. Born in Kuwait I secretly call it my home, never felt the same back in India or out here in the US. The sandy Arabian desert, rows of palm trees, the large wooden ships, Sawt (the prominent type of music) the Bedouins and their heard of camels and sheep, I miss it all!!!! Even though I spent a lot of years in Kuwait (fortress built near water), it is a shame I hardly understand a word of Arabic. It was a miracle I even made it through my Arabic exams!! If not for the invasion by Iraq, I could have completed my schooling there and not have gone through certain sudden changes in my future.


Here in the US you practically get food from all over the world, but they lack authenticity as it is modified to suit the American taste buds. I love eating out; it does not have to be an upscale restaurant. I would rather go to a small place not having to butt elbows with the crowd. And since Taffy had never eaten anything from that part of the world, I wanted the first impression to be the best!! I always tell him how wonderful and great Kuwait is, so the food had to support my claims.


We got there and it was a small dhabba kind of setting, the smell of hookah and some traditional art work added to the décor. I ordered from the menu since the names looked familiar all the while hoping this would not be a disaster. I couldn’t be happier when I had a bite of my shawarma and it tasted just the way it should !!!!! I looked at Taffy and he gestured it was good since his mouth was too full. Relieved I got back to my plate and occasionally glanced at Jacob who didn’t want to try anything but French fries!!!

Loving life and not pretending to

Every day, each prayer has bestowed something new on me. It would either be a realization that my assumptions were wrong or having to change a habit or a belief. Life has been a tough school and experiences hard lessons. Kept going thinking that I have to get what I wanted, that was my goal. But nothing seemed to work. Gave it everything to achieve what I thought was my dream. It took years before I realized that I should consider an alternative.It was upsetting to see my life going downhill, nothing like I pictured it to be. There is no other explanation other than this is what my life was planned to be.

He had designed my life in a way that at each stage (when I wasn’t paying attention), He was molding me for my future. I did not see it as long as I was living my life, my way. I had to shut my eyes to stop looking at the world and ask Him. I fought my discontentment for years, finally he showed me the person whom He had created with a Divine Discontent. To see through His eyes and serve .While I focused on having a normal and simple life, he had bigger plans. It is a slow process of evolving into the person whom God wants you to be. It is not difficult to understand His ways but hard to do. Being a mom taught me how to be selfless, to put another person before me. The lessons from life, not from a book or a tale once told. There are days I feel good and days that I fail .The inner voice that I hear is the God within me, reassuring me not to give up.

Opening up to happiness

It is not easy being happy all the time .But it is worth trying to be happy. If you just break it down and look at your life day by day you will see what I mean. Are you happy today? Of course you are, you had a good night sleep, woke up healthy and have a normal day. It is only when you look at the past/future,or at someone else in your life,that is what makes you anxious. Clearly we are not going to be around forever yet we make plans, forgetting to live today. Everyone has a problem without a solution, now that we tried for so long and nothing seemed to work, we stayed up late thinking about it, fought it, analyzed it, discussed it, let us take a break..