Picnic in June

When I read through other blogs, many stay true to their passion and explore it‘s horizons. In my case I don’t think I have such an intense topic to go on and on about. Maybe I get distracted by anything that comes my way or is it that I just cannot focus on one thing???? Wish I could peek into someone else’s mind, just to see how different it works.

We had a fun picnic after a hundred e-mails send to and fro about the venue, menu and everything under the sun for a perfect day. With our busy lives, conflicting schedules and small kids it has become a bit tough to hang out with friends .It was a beautiful day with blue skies perfect for a walk around the trail, some tasty barbecue under the shade of big trees, watched a game of badminton and beach volley ball (did not play coz I am not very athletic and did not want to embarrass myself).

Jacob and his friends had the most fun, making sand castles,playing in the water ,on the slide and swings .I tried to relax but it would have been easier if I was not constantly looking out for Jacob. I began to wonder if I would have had a better time if I didn’t have to worry about him. That night, when he rolled over in his sleep, (pushed me to the very edge of the bed, I have mastered the art of not falling off) and put his little arms around my neck I knew I would choose these moments of joy over anything else,anytime.

If we were given a chance to be someone else or have someone else’s life, we would surely choose to be us and want our lives just the way it is.

Shawarma at Alyan’s

I have been searching for a Middle Eastern restaurant for quite some time .There are days I crave for some flat bread, dates and other Arabic dishes. Born in Kuwait I secretly call it my home, never felt the same back in India or out here in the US. The sandy Arabian desert, rows of palm trees, the large wooden ships, Sawt (the prominent type of music) the Bedouins and their heard of camels and sheep, I miss it all!!!! Even though I spent a lot of years in Kuwait (fortress built near water), it is a shame I hardly understand a word of Arabic. It was a miracle I even made it through my Arabic exams!! If not for the invasion by Iraq, I could have completed my schooling there and not have gone through certain sudden changes in my future.


Here in the US you practically get food from all over the world, but they lack authenticity as it is modified to suit the American taste buds. I love eating out; it does not have to be an upscale restaurant. I would rather go to a small place not having to butt elbows with the crowd. And since Taffy had never eaten anything from that part of the world, I wanted the first impression to be the best!! I always tell him how wonderful and great Kuwait is, so the food had to support my claims.


We got there and it was a small dhabba kind of setting, the smell of hookah and some traditional art work added to the décor. I ordered from the menu since the names looked familiar all the while hoping this would not be a disaster. I couldn’t be happier when I had a bite of my shawarma and it tasted just the way it should !!!!! I looked at Taffy and he gestured it was good since his mouth was too full. Relieved I got back to my plate and occasionally glanced at Jacob who didn’t want to try anything but French fries!!!

Loving life and not pretending to

Every day, each prayer has bestowed something new on me. It would either be a realization that my assumptions were wrong or having to change a habit or a belief. Life has been a tough school and experiences hard lessons. Kept going thinking that I have to get what I wanted, that was my goal. But nothing seemed to work. Gave it everything to achieve what I thought was my dream. It took years before I realized that I should consider an alternative.It was upsetting to see my life going downhill, nothing like I pictured it to be. There is no other explanation other than this is what my life was planned to be.

He had designed my life in a way that at each stage (when I wasn’t paying attention), He was molding me for my future. I did not see it as long as I was living my life, my way. I had to shut my eyes to stop looking at the world and ask Him. I fought my discontentment for years, finally he showed me the person whom He had created with a Divine Discontent. To see through His eyes and serve .While I focused on having a normal and simple life, he had bigger plans. It is a slow process of evolving into the person whom God wants you to be. It is not difficult to understand His ways but hard to do. Being a mom taught me how to be selfless, to put another person before me. The lessons from life, not from a book or a tale once told. There are days I feel good and days that I fail .The inner voice that I hear is the God within me, reassuring me not to give up.

Opening up to happiness

It is not easy being happy all the time .But it is worth trying to be happy. If you just break it down and look at your life day by day you will see what I mean. Are you happy today? Of course you are, you had a good night sleep, woke up healthy and have a normal day. It is only when you look at the past/future,or at someone else in your life,that is what makes you anxious. Clearly we are not going to be around forever yet we make plans, forgetting to live today. Everyone has a problem without a solution, now that we tried for so long and nothing seemed to work, we stayed up late thinking about it, fought it, analyzed it, discussed it, let us take a break..

Christine Collins

Loving the “Red box” so now renting a movie has become part of grocery shopping. Saw the movie “Changeling”, after browsing through the synopsis rented it anyways coz it was directed by Clint Eastwood. Was happy with my choice, coz it turned out to be a good one. But I still didn’t know what the title meant. “Googled” it and was amused by the details. I can’t be thankful enough for all the online resources coz I can’t read anything that looks like a book anymore.


Changeling is an off spring of a fairy (troll or other legendary creature) that was secretly left in place of a human child, why it is done has many interpretations as to pure malice, love for a human child’s beauty especially blond hair, to be a servant and so on. Simple charms like an inverted coat or open iron scissor was left near the sleeping child to ward them off.

I found it very true that the legend of the changeling must have developed to explain the peculiarities of kids who didn’t develop normally due to abnormalities and developmental delays, still born or died in early infancy. The greater proneness of boys to birth defect correlates to the belief that boy babies were more likely to be taken. So were children who were not baptized and made part of the church. There have been records of kids and women being murdered and then using the changeling story for defense!!

Now about the movie,

"Everyone around her had an agenda — a political agenda, a personal agenda," J.Michael Straczynski (the writer) says. "The only clear voice in the entire story was hers."

It was difficult not to feel for Christine Collins and also admire her.

A single mom whose 9yr old son, Walter went missing. Letters and photographs were exchanged before Christine Collins paid for the boy, who claimed to be her son, to be brought back home. At the reunion, Christine Collins claimed that the boy was not Walter. She was told by the officer in charge of the case, to take the boy home to "try him out for a couple of weeks," for he had been gone for months and Collins agreed.
Three weeks later, Christine Collins returned to see Captain Jones and persisted in her claim that the boy was not Walter. Even though she was armed with dental records proving her case,Collins was committed to the psychiatric ward under a "Code 12" internment—a term used to jail someone who was deemed difficult or an inconvenience. As Walter Collins' body had not been found, she continued to search for him for the rest of her life, but she died without ever knowing her son's fate.


12-year-old Arthur Hutchins Jr., a runaway, his biological mother died when he was 9 years old and he had been living with his stepmother. He said that he had pretended to be Walter Collins to get as far away as possible from her. After living on the road for a month, police brought him in; they began to ask him questions about Walter Collins. Originally, Hutchins stated that he did not know about Walter, but changed his story when he saw the possibility of getting to California, Hollywood so he could meet his favorite actor, Tom Mix

After Christine Collins was released from Los Angeles County Hospital, she sued the police department and won the second of two lawsuits. Although Captain Jones was ordered to pay Collins $10,800, he never did. A city council welfare hearing recommended that Jones and Chief of Police leave their posts, but both were eventually reinstated. The California State Legislature later made it illegal for the police to commit someone to a psychiatric facility without a warrant.

If you want to get the whole story just read about the Wineville Chicken Coop Murders.

Mom, my best friend

I was really relieved to read a recent article in the magazine “Vanitha” (April 15-30, 2009). There have been so many instances I felt it was just an advertiser of the latest and the greatest saris and gold jewelry. It was disappointing that a magazine so popular, was not quite doing its part.

Finally, it looks like Malayalees are ready to look at a different style of parenting .It is not the” Hitler regime pattern" anymore,where the mom made dad look like the bad cop!!! Things have changed and it must be because of all the problems our young generation has been getting into, that have raised a red flag. It must be tough for those who believe “it is my way or the high way “, but they are cornered with no other option, but to try something new.

Parenting goes beyond providing the basic necessities of life as I have emphasized in my previous posts. Do we fear that we will lose our culture and its essence if we adapt a little?

The previous generation had it rough for sure; they went through a financial crunch, so when they became parents they were busy making money so we would have a better life. That left kids with unfulfilled emotional needs.

I believe if kids are given proper guidance, acceptance and attention there is a lesser chance that they will look for it elsewhere. If parents were less critical and more supportive it would be easier for the kids to trust them with their problems.

The first step would be to treat your son and daughter equal. And teach your sons to respect and treat women right. Parenting is an art you master each day, it is something that has to be done with compassion and not comparison!!!! The education a kid gets in school only leads to a job but what they learn at home is how they live their life.

Teenage is a very tricky time in one’s life, it is just normal to want to do crazy things; the best thing is to let them in on the consequences. Every daughter should know her mother’s story; her accomplishments, failures, dreams, and regrets.
It is inevitable not to have a crush or feel attracted to someone with all those hormones going haywire. All you need is to tell your kid that it is perfectly normal and how to focus on life. Help them set goals, research and discuss their ambitions. It may not always work out the way planned, get them ready for disappointments too.

Girls should be told over and over again that they do not need to starve themselves and dress like the celebrities on television, but be themselves. They are unique and full of potential whatever the world may say. Our girls should be taught to be bold and confident, to say NO when it is needed and to deal with the hypocritical society.

Mazha Konduvanna Orma

It’s a cloudy day; we woke up late, the perks of being unemployed period!!! Jacob drank his “Horlicks paal”(milk) and I sat down with a cup of tea. He began playing his computer game and I was going through the mail. I saw through the window, it was getting dark and soon it started raining. Jacob went to the window to watch the rain and ran back screaming when he heard the thunder. This is the guy who tells me, don’t be scared mommy, Jacob is here!!I always found the rain to be very soothing; it reminds me of some good old days.


The big mango tree at my grand parents house, would be full of fruit and the only way we could get it was, if it would rain. As kids we would wait on the verandah to run out into the rain and gather them. A few years later I used to sit on the verandah with a cup of “kattan kaapi"(black coffee) and watch the rain. It would rain as if there was no tomorrow, with leaves flying everywhere in the wind, the loud thunder and the scary lightening. But once the rain was over, the sky would clear up and it would be so bright as if some door opened in heaven. I find it similar to how we get so overwhelmed with some things and finally get through it. I still drink “kattan kaapi”, not that I like it so much, just to feel like those days.

There were so many silly fights with Appachen for not letting me watch, “Chitrahaar" (hindi film songs) on Doordarshan and having to climb up the terrace every time it was about to rain to gather the rubber sheets lay out to dry. I would walk around the rubber trees pretending to be a heroine in a song sequence in a Malayalam movie. I remember when the barber cut my hair too short I looked at the mirror and started wailing that I look ugly now. And Appachen had to send me shopping just to calm me down!!! Went to” Ittiyapara" (nearby hot spot!!)and came back with a bag full of bangles, earrings and all sorts of junk!!!!


When I was about 3 or 4yrs old, I went for a prarthana (prayer meeting) and when asked about the snacks, the only reason I went there, I said there was bun, boon, kaapee. They say that I was very talkative, which I don’t get; I used to amuse people with my chit chats!! I remember having to go to "palli"(church) every Sunday coz Ammachi would force us to and having to sit through torture for 2 and a half hours!!!

We grew up calling our Uppapans (pappa’s younger brothers) Valya uppi and Kochu uppi, didn’t quite realize it sounded funny until Jacob added his very own twist to it and made it You-ppi. Now I know how Neenma’s mom(pappa's elder sis) must have felt when we called her Ammachi , coz now Reji makes Richu and Sachu(his kids) call me Ammachi with a vengeance. No wonder Asha's mom came up with her own version, Ammamachi!! Anjuma and Leenma were the coolest Kochamas; fun,unique and special in their own ways.

Christmas was fun, loved all the” Padakom Poothiri”(fire crackers). The carolers who would come by late at night and we would stand there rubbing our eyes looking at the skinny Santa Claus, wondering why him!! Yet another good time was when all our cousins would come over for Onam; we would gather flowers and make a beautiful “Athapookalam”. I remember flying high on the “unjaal”(swing) and the feast on the ”ela”( banana leaf) following that.


Ammachi didn’t have to go anywhere to find out what was happening around her, it was funny how all the news got to her verandah. We teased Appachen that our neighbor, Janaki amma was his lover coz he called her Janakam!! And how can I forget good old Pappy Appachen who would come by every Sunday and we would do everything we could to drive him away but he would leave only after lunch!!!


Rebu and I, always teamed up against Reji, we would hit him and run away screaming when he tried to hit back, he always got yelled at!!! Didn’t feel it was mean coz no matter what he always got himself in trouble.It was so hard to convince Appachen to send us to the nearby “Chethomkara thoodu" (nearest swimming pool!!)with Suma ammama and Subi ammama. Saji chan always got a kick out of wrestling Rebu and Reji; there were times he got hurt bad, I wondered when he would stop. Since Rebu was the baby, he would take an afternoon nap on Appachen’s tummy. How can I forget” Podiyan and Kushan”, I don’t know if they were our play mates or Appachen’s assistants but they were always around.

We would secretly want Appachen to pray coz it was short and pretty much the same every time. If Ammachi were to start, I always fell asleep and there have been instances of being caught if not woken up by the loud “Swargatanaya Pithavey”(Lord’s prayer).For some unknown reason Appachen had to wake us all up early in the morning , he would sit and sing aloud, I might have forgotten a lot of songs but still remember” Athiraviley thiru sannidhiyil anayunoru samaye”(Christian hymn). I hated having to make the chicken get into their box house at night, but I loved to grab the little ones from under the kotta (basket).


Those two little boys who have been a part of my life, my brothers, they are all grown up. We are all busy with our individual lives, work, kids…..At times it is scary that we might lose that special love we siblings shared due to all the changes. But I am glad I have these memories that bring back all the love I have for them.And I wish Appachen and Ammachi knew how much we love them.